


Karenins, Vronskys, Men versus Bulls

by mcgarrygirl78



Series: Feels Like Heaven [46]
Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-19
Updated: 2016-08-19
Packaged: 2018-08-09 17:28:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,468
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7810801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I wish you would've been as vigilant when my life was falling apart.” She said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Karenins, Vronskys, Men versus Bulls

Liv ran to the door, not expecting anyone at this hour. She looked out the peephole and couldn’t help the look on her face as she opened the door.

“Brian! Oh my god, hi.”

“Can I come in, Liv?” Brian Cassidy was standing in her hallway carrying a large, wet umbrella.

“Yeah, c'mon. Wow it’s really coming down out there huh?”

“It’s like a little hurricane. I usually don’t even have an umbrella, this was in the back of my car and I don’t even know how. Oh well.” He dropped it on the floor by her coat rack. “You seem a little underdressed; am I interrupting something?”

“What?” Liv looked down at her sports bra. “Oh, I had a shirt on but Noah decided his last pee of the night should be on me and not in his diaper. Hey, grab a beer if you want…I was just about to change.”

“You still keep beer in your fridge? You hate beer.”

“You're not the only person I know who drinks beer, Brian.”

“I hear you. What kind is it?”

“This week, Sam Adams. I’ll be right back.”

In the bedroom, Liv saw a tee shirt in her chair so she went and threw it over her head. Then she went to the kitchen, pouring herself a glass of Merlot. Brian was sitting on the couch so she went to join him. It was awkward but Liv decided to make the best of it. She had no idea why Brian was there. 

A rock was forming in the pit of her stomach; Liv told herself to calm down. She and Brian were no longer in a relationship. There was nothing he could tell her to throw her life out of line. At least she didn’t think there was. Leave it to Cassidy to find something.

“God,” she smiled. “It’s been a while. How have you been?”

“OK. I'm glad as hell to be away from IAB. Undercover VICE has its shit but I’ll take it to the rat squad any day.”

“I'm sure.” Liv nodded. “I'm guessing you're not on assignment right now.”

“I've been back in my own life for a few weeks. It feels good.”

“So what are you up to other than being a cop?”

“What are you up to?” Brian countered.

“Me? I'm a workaholic, Brian; the more things change the more they stay the same. And of course there's Noah, so I actually do make it home at a decent hour at least four out of the six days I'm working. I don’t know if you heard but I'm running the squad now.”

“I heard. I've heard a lot, Liv.”

“OK.” Liv laughed a little. “What's going on, Brian? I haven’t seen you in over a year and now you're showing up and saying you’ve heard a lot. Just talk to me, we don’t need to beat around the bush.”

“What the hell is going on with you and Ed Tucker? Are you sleeping with that bastard?”

“What?”

“I didn’t stutter, Liv. Answer me.”

“Don’t talk to me that tone of voice. Why would it be any of your business who I'm dating?”

“If the answer was no then you would just say no.” Brian said.

“It doesn’t matter what the answer is. The point is that it’s none of your business. Who are you to interrogate me about anything?”

“That prick tried to have me killed and you reward him by sleeping with him? Wow.”

“Tucker didn’t try to have you killed. It was an assignment, Brian, our jobs are always dangerous.”

“That’s not what you said when it happened.”

“I didn’t say anything when it happened.” Liv stood up from the couch. “Why did you come here tonight?”

“I want to know what's going on, Liv. I've been hearing things…I've seen things. Are you fuckin him? Are you in some kind of relationship? I mean you’ve got to be kidding me. He's a total piece of shit.”

“You don’t know him.”

“I do know him! You know him too. For how many years has he tried to destroy you? He accused you of murder. He tried to ruin Stabler, Cragen, and even Amaro. And then what he did to me. Look, I know you’ve been through some shit but is your judgment that out of whack?”

“Get the hell out of my house!”

“Look, I…”

“Shut up.” Liv wanted to start screaming but she had a sleeping toddler in the next room. “We broke up, and we should've broke up…you won't get any argument out of me about that. Brian, you walked out of my life. You did that because you wanted to. I haven’t seen you in over a year, and it is what it is. 

“You never asked me about Noah, even after you knew Johnny D shot up a courtroom. You never called me after the second incident with Lewis. As usual you bailed. And now you have the audacity to question my judgment. I never hated you Brian, I never blamed you for anything. That’s about to change.”

“That man does not have your best interest at heart. If you're involved with him Liv he is going to hurt you.” Cassidy said. “He's going to fuck everything you’ve worked for. He's going to take the words you say and twist them and make them hurt you. If you love your kid then you better keep him away from him. Ed Tucker is not who you think he is, if you think he's anything. He's dangerous.”

All she had been through, the fighting she had done to climb back, the work she did to bring some sense of normalcy back into her life and Ed Tucker was the hill that Brian Cassidy wanted to die on. God, why had she ever let him back into her life? He wasn’t the worse guy in the world and despite this display, Liv still believed that. But he really had no idea who she was. He never knew how to talk to her, care for her, be a part of her life. 

He was always outside, even when they shared the closest intimate space. Now, a year and some change later, he was back. Not to ask her if she was OK, not for a friendly dinner or a baseball game, not to inquire about her son’s wellbeing. He was back to warn her that she couldn’t trust her own judgment. He was there to tell her that he was more objective than she and that she needed to listen.

“I wish you would've been as vigilant when my life was falling apart.” She said.

“You shut me out, Liv. I tried.”

“You didn’t.” she shook her head. “You didn’t, Brian, and you need to stop lying to yourself. I'm done lying for you.”

“I loved you.”

“I never said that you didn’t. I said that you didn’t try hard enough, those are two different things. Whatever relationship I have with anyone is none of your business. Whatever road my life takes from the moment you walked out of it is none of your business. My son is certainly none of your damn business. I want you to leave. Don’t ever come back.”

Before Brian could say another word, and Liv knew him well enough to see him gearing up to say something, there was another knock on the door. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Usually Ed would call up and she would have to buzz the front door. But Brian hadn’t buzzed up when he arrived. That either meant the door was having problems again or both were lucky enough to follow someone in who recognized them or couldn’t be bothered to check their backs. There was a bit of a standoff between the former couple before there was another knock at the door. Liv walked over, looked out of the peephole, and then opened it.

“Hey, you usually call up.” She smiled. His hair was slightly damp and his shirt looked wet. He wasn’t carrying an umbrella.

“The guy from the first floor was dragging in a keyboard.” Ed said. “I helped him. I didn’t realize you had company.”

Ed stepped over the threshold though Liv didn’t exactly move. He smelled the tension and knew something wasn’t right. Brian Cassidy was staring at him with dark, angry eyes and Ed could guess what this was about. His first thought was that he was finally going to have a reason to crack one across this guy’s jaw. It was wrong but true. His second thought was if Brian Cassidy was looking at Liv before he came in like he was looking at Ed now then he needed to go.

“Brian was just leaving.”

“I want to finish this conversation, Liv.” Cassidy stood his ground.

“It’s over and done with. Thanks for stopping by.”

Brian sighed. He started walking toward the door, stopping on the side of Ed. Liv reached out to prevent whatever was going to happen but Brian leaned over to whisper.

“I know what you're up to, you sorry son of a bitch. What you're getting out of this, I don’t know, but it’s only a matter of time before the secret is out.”

“Ed, don’t!” 

Ed gripped him by his tee shirt, turned, and smacked him right into the wall. The movement seemed to take less than 30 seconds. Liv looked mortified and Brian let the fear flash in his eyes for just a moment before recommitting to his bad boy stance.

“The next time you get that close to me, you're going to be on the ground.” He said.

“Does he grip you up like this, Liv? I told you that you don’t know anything about this jackass.”

“Don’t be an idiot, Brian.” She rolled her eyes.

“It’s time for you to go.”

Ed escorted Brian out of the apartment, though Brian’s feet never touched the ground. He closed and locked the door after he was firmly on the other side of it. For a moment there was just silence. Ed was breathing hard, Liv was breathing hard, and there wasn’t a lot to say. He was under no false impression that anyone that knew them both and their history would be comfortable with someone like Olivia Benson dating or being in a relationship with someone like him. 

But Ed never liked Brian Cassidy. He was a mediocre cop and a shitty human being. He couldn’t understand why Liv would ever be with a guy like that but at the end of the day he knew it wasn’t truly his business. That was the difference between the two men. 

Ed could just guess that Brian was there to bad mouth him, in what way he had no idea. But even more than that he was there to influence how Liv thought and felt. That was something that Ed wasn’t going to stand for. If she made the decision to remove him from her life then so be it. But some ex wasn’t going to come in and make it for her.

“I'm sorry, Liv.” He turned around, leaned on the door, and looked at her. “I lost my temper.”

“If you would've lost your temper, you would've broken his jaw.”

“The thought crossed my mind.”

“You're better than that. Being angry is not an indefensible act.”

“He just showed up here?” Ed asked.

“Yeah.” Liv nodded. “I was shocked but truthfully we never had a problem with each other…it wasn’t a contentious breakup. I was shocked to see him, the night we broke up he never came back to the apartment. He waited till I was at work to move a lot of his things out. He um…”

“Scuttled away like he always does?”

“Something like that. C'mere.”

“Why?”

“Why?” Liv raised her eyebrow. Then she held out her arms. “C'mere, Ed.”

He walked into her arms and the warmest hug. Exhaling, Ed held on and let the anger drain from his body. He certainly wasn’t mad at Liv. And he didn’t come over there to fight or have things be tense. He thought they'd have a drink, talk, kiss a little, maybe he would get lucky, maybe not, it didn’t matter. Ed just wanted to be with her tonight. It would be ridiculous to let anything ruin that. Brian Cassidy couldn’t even be described as anything as far as Ed was concerned.

“He really just showed up here?” he asked, still in her arms.

“Yeah. It’s not as if he doesn’t know where I live. I don’t know what his motivations were, I don’t know why he thinks that his opinion about how I live my life matters. It was a stupid move but we’ve all made them once.”

“Or a couple of times.” Ed said, pulling out of the hug but still holding her in his arms. “We don’t have to talk about it…I can mostly figure it out.”

“Let's just have a drink. You know what, let's have a kiss first and then a drink.”

“I like your thinking, Sergeant.” Ed kissed her nose.

Liv smiled and kissed his mouth. She wrapped her arms tighter around him, put a little more power into the kiss. Ed tried for a moment to take control but then pulled back and let her have it. He didn’t find anything wrong with belonging to Olivia.

“There's bourbon in the kitchen.” She went into the living room, took the bottle of beer that Brian barely drank, and went to pour it out. 

“Sounds good.”

“Are you hungry?”

“I'm starving. We can order in if you want.”

“Whatever it is, just make sure French fries are involved.” Liv said.

“I'm on it.”

Ed pulled out his cell phone and scrolled through his favorite takeout places. He picked the perfect place and placed an online order. Liv brought him a drink before going into Noah’s room. Ed leaned back on the couch, sipped the Maker’s Mark, and turned on the TV. He was sure some baseball was on but Ed didn’t know if he was in the mood for sports. 

He just started flipping channels with the television on mute. The only thing ever on these days was reality shows but he knew there were channels that played different things like classic shows or procedurals or shows from the 70s…it was as if every cable station had something that it focused on. His son told him there was even a station that played all the Simpsons episodes from beginning to the current season. Ed never found that channel but he had tried. He thought Sean was watching something while intoxicated and got confused.

“Hey, baby?”

“Yeah.” She came out of Noah’s nursery.

“Is there a station on cable that only plays Simpsons episodes from the first one to the most current in syndication on constant loop? Sean swears to me that there is. I think he's out of his mind.”

“It’s called FXX and it was introduced by playing every Simpsons episode ever, in chronological order, which took three weeks I think. Now they play all kinds of other things you can find on FX stations while still playing a few hours a day of the Simpsons. I think it’s channel 349.”

“See,” Ed pulled her down on his lap. “You know things. I ask and you answer and you rarely ask me what the hell I'm talking about.”

“Well you haven’t asked me any algorithms yet so we’re good.” Liv smiled.

“And you're OK?” he caressed her face.

“I'm fine.”

“Liv…”

She let out a deep sigh, and dropped her forehead on his. Then she ran her hand over the back of his head because she knew it always made him shiver.

“I want to have a good night with you and whatever that was, I want to forget about it. You know, Brian didn’t even call after everything happened with Lewis. I could've gone on trial for my life, even you went at me pretty hard. But he was nowhere to be found. I didn’t hold it against him; Lewis had killed any fun we had a long time ago. So I wasn’t in the mood to have him come in here and tell me that my lack of judgment from bad things that happened were causing me to make a decision that would affect my life, my career, and my son negatively.”

“That decision being me?” Ed asked.

“Yeah.”

“Fuck him.”

“Yeah.” She laughed some. “That’s where I'm at right now. I'm glad you're here, I wanted to spend the evening with you. I wanted it to rain so hard you couldn’t leave.”

“We don’t need natural disasters to get me to stay overnight.” Ed smiled. “I can stay unless you ask me not to or if I have dog duty in the morning...as long as it’s OK for Noah.”

“You’d have to leave before Lucy comes.” Liv said. “I hate that part.”

“I know, but it doesn’t offend me. It’s fine. I ordered you the large Old Bay fries with the four dipping sauces and a 1/3 pounder turkey burger with Swiss cheese and Applewood bacon. How did I do?”

“Excellent.” She smiled. “You wanna eat out here or in the bedroom? We can watch a movie?”

“We can eat out here, watch something good on TV, and then we’ll move the party to someplace quieter. It'll allow me to focus on nothing but you.”

“Are you going to need money for the delivery?” Liv asked, getting up from his lap. Her purse was in the bedroom.

“I got it.” Ed said.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.” He nodded.

“I'm paying next time…I mean that.”

“Well mark your calendar so you don’t forget. Because I never turn down a woman buying me dinner. I don’t care if its fast food or five stars.”

“Brian knows about us, Ed, at least he thinks he knows. I'm sure he also knows that returning here would be a bad idea. There are members of my squad that he still chats with enough for this information to get around. How do you feel about that?”

“You already know how I feel.” He pulled her back down on the couch with him. Liv had a concerned look on her face; he kissed her lips softly. Then he kissed her more passionately. “Brian Cassidy is the last person in the world I would let change that.”

“OK.” Liv nodded. 

She tried to smile but she just didn’t know. It wasn’t as if she hadn’t questioned herself a million times about this thing with Ed. It was a relationship now for the most part. They had been getting to know each other since January, fighting the feelings since May. They had one major barn burner and had walked away from it deciding that this was a thing worth investing in. She balanced their past and present on an almost weekly basis and their present consistently weighed more on the scales in her mind. How dare someone who wasn’t there for her try to belittle someone who was? Liv didn’t know if she was angrier at Brian for being a dick, which he had been on more than one occasion, or herself for letting him take her down with him.

“Oh look, bull riding is on.”

“What?”

“You’ve never watched bull riding before?” Ed looked at her.

“Ed, I grew up in Manhattan.”

“Sometimes I forget.” He smiled. “Bull riding is great. The key is the rider has to stay on the bull for eight seconds for his ride to count. But the best part is the rider isn't the real star of the show, the bull is.”

“What?”

“It’s like horse racing. Everyone knows who the bulls are, their personalities and how many riders they annihilate per season. Some of the riders are popular, no doubt, but bulls get points too.”

“Bulls get points?” Liv smirked.

“Yes, the sport is man versus bull. It’s simpler than it sounds. Looks like they're on Round 2, we can watch.”

“OK, let's do it.”

“Yeah?” Ed smiled.

“Yeah.”

She went to cuddle in his arms but the door buzzed. Well, it looked like someone would buzz in tonight. Ed kissed Liv before getting up and going over to the intercom. They would have some good food, watch some good TV, and let nothing or no one come between them. He knew they were strong enough to get over this hump just like the others. More importantly, they deserved this time in the in the infancy of what both hoped to be a lasting relationship to just focus on Olivia and Ed. Tonight, Ed would make that his only priority.

***


End file.
